Editorial and Press Releases
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WWW.LIQUORED-UP.COM / WWW.DICKD.COM
PRESS RELEASE 9/10/2002
THE LIQUORED UP CD IS OUT
OK…for all of you who don’t already know about the Liqoured-Up.com CD (and even for those of you who do), let me tell you about the Liquored Up Prank Call CD. The Liquored-Up.com CD could be called:
A. The first “solo” release by Dick Delicious
B. The 4th release on WFPTSO Records
C. The 1st CD from Liquored-Up.com.
I have pressed up 1000 full-on, no CDR shit, shrink wrapped, full art copies of it. They are now available for public consumption.
I am personally very proud of this CD. It consists of a series of Prank Calls that were made (to mostly infomercials) between the end of December, 2001 through to April, 2002. In total I had recorded over 16 hours of prank calls and boiled it down (like a ghetto biscuit) into the 50 crucial minutes (or so) that would make one killer comedy / prank CD – and it KICKS ASS! Other than choosing the beginnings or the ends of the calls: no editing, rehearsing, or stupid ass sound effects (see: Prank Yankers) were used to make these gems. It is straight-up, no “having the party on the other side being agreed to be recorded”, improv comedy genius, as will be evidenced in such tracks as “Year 2002 Windows Compliant Squirrel Jerky”, “Racism is Awesome”, and “Hedgehog Disorder”.
SO HERE’S THE DEAL…Of course the Liqoured-Up.com CD is now available from www.liquored-up.com from our online store, but I’m gonna take this one step further – just by the fact you’ve read this far on this press release: You’ve hit the jackpot. Just e-mail me back at jayq@attbi.com with even one half convincing reason of why I should send you this CD, and I WILL SEND YOU ONE - FREE – THAT’S RIGHT - COMPLETELY FREE!!! An email with “RE: FUCK YOU JAY” in the subject will suffice (and of course include your REAL address). Also, any zines, websites, morning show guys, or any other media that would like a copy for reviews or write-ups, don’t hesitate to ask!
For all the Hebes in the audience that are to cheap to risk a bout with carpal tunnel syndrome to type out an e-mail that says “RE: FUCK YOU JAY” to get a FREE CD – let me continue my sales pitch:
1. Owning a copy of Liquored Up will make you appear “hip”, “in the loop”, or “the barometer of cool”. That way, when it DOES blows up, you can say you’ve BEEN DOWN WITH IT from before all the money, Hollywood hype, awards, the reality show, the supermodels, and legal problems go to my head.
2. Putting this CD in you CD changer will provide a most welcome break between your Papa Roach, Drowning Pool, and Lincoln Park CD’s.
3. It’s funny as fuck and I’ve gone though the trouble of boiling down the best parts of 16 hours of stupid drunken pranks into a kick ass CD with the best calls, put in an order that I would think would be best for the listener, rotating my characters between: The Ignorant Redneck: (The OG Nemesis for the prank calls – drunken country angst at it’s best), The Dickhead Italian Dude (A character I tried to avoid because of the Jerky Boys but was inevitable because I am a dickhead Italian guy…so hey it come naturally), Myself: (One’s where I slip out of character), and The Confused Black Man: (See: Fred Sanford).
4. This ain’t no bullshit fake ass prank call CD, the people on the other end have NOT signed releases – this shit is TRILL (Ebonics: true + real) dog – this is the real mutha' fuckin’ dilly-yo G.
There’s my plug for the L.U.P.C CD.
I don’t have all of the details worked our yet, but I am planning a Liquored Up CD release party. The shit ain’t gonna be no gay ass – “Hey we’re just at a bar with a bands or DJs playing just cause one or your lame friends put out a new CD deal” - I’m thinking something much cooler – PRIVATE PARTY, LIVE PRANK CALLING, STRIPPERS, BBQ, MUCHO BOOZOLA, CONSPICUOS ILLICIT SUBSTANCE USE AND MORE. I will keep you updated…
Speaking of “CONSPICUOS ILLICIT SUBSTANCE USE” let me take a second to address this most weighty issue…
SHORTAGE OF LSD
A most disturbing trend has been in effect the past year or so – whoever the LSD people are: You guys are slacking; did you just stop making the shit or something? For my brain cell wastage – nothing beats Acid! I love it! I would pay double right now just to eat “the bad brown acid” – I mean what the fuck? Nobody has any! As some of you might know, I did some time for possession of LSD and it’s getting so dry that I’d take some just to get busted with it again! God damn, I know all these kids today are into rolls and shit. I like ecstasy fine, but X is nothing but baby acid, for people who can’t HANDLE IT – ecstasy is for WIMPS. People would rather sit around all lovey with glow sticks and shit, then risk getting really fucked up 10 times as much, for twice the amount of time, and for like 20% of the cost. Yeah, you run the risk of “freaking out” (hey, you’re always coming back), but they payoff is so much sweeter - some of the greatest moments of my life have been on LSD. Come on people, don’t let LSD go the way of the Dodo – get it together! There a lot of us who want more…so, all of you who stopped doing it – get with it…for all of you who stopped making it…there are still plenty of us who are big fans of your work…cause this shit is getting old – BRING IT BACK!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Just as I predicted, 9/11 has become a “bad 4th of July, and a really, really lame day to try to celebrate a birthday. If any of you have any suggestions on what I could do to actually have some fun – let me know – this shit is depressing! God damned fucking towelheads!!
And in rememberance of September 11th don’t forget that:
“EVEN THOUGH YOUR CULTURE OPPRESSES WOMEN
YOU STILL SUCK YOU FUCKING TOWELHEAD”
VISIT: WWW.LIQUORED-UP.COM / WWW.DICKD.COM
Thanks for your readership,
Jay