PRESS RELEASE - 12/26/2002

VISIT: WWW.DICKD.COM | WWW.LIQUORED-UP.COM

We Make Spinal Tap Look Like a Joke!!
Not this hardly constitutes news…but, Dick Delicious has *yet* another new drummer…we are sad to announce that Les Winen was found dead in the parking lot of a gay bathhouse in Midtown on Wednesday, apparently having overdosed on what was at least 70 times more seamen than what precipitated the famous 1977 Rod Stewart urban legend. *Well maybe* that might not be true…shit, that's probably what he'd expect us to do…*go blasting him on the webpage*. Whooa, no way….we wouldn't do *that* - I mean that would be *childish*, and we wouldn't want to be *childish* would we? Then again, we are the guys who wrote Diarrhea, so…

Less Winen; aka JB, was even statistically a less than average drummer for Dick Delicious. His first show was 3/16/2002 in Fort Walton Beach, Florida and his final show was 11/9/2002, bringing his total tenure as drummer in Dick Delicious to: 7 months and 23 days. This falls 2 months and 8 days short of the *Dick Delicious Imploding Drummer Statistical Law Of Averages* benchmark of what has been determined in our 10 years of research on this, to be10 months. Yes, truly a "less than average" Dick Delicious drummer is kind of like being a "less than average" porter at Taco Bell…thus is the legacy of Les Winen:

Name: Les Winen (get it - "less whining") was dubbed to him because he was too lazy to pick a cool Dick Delicious name like *Hugh G. Rection* and was given to him for his propensity to *whine* like an abused pre-menstrual Jewish Princess after having gone Cold Turkey from a 10 year Xanex habit - uncontrollably and daily. Already knowing that drummers are a flakey bunch, we could put up with that one major character flaw if somehow he could make up with it in some other fashion - like awesome drumming or a great attitude, but no way man - NOT "LESS THAN AVERAGE" LES! His negative attitude was so horrible that it was *TOO HORIBLE* - even for a band with a *horrible attitude*…like Dick Delicious.

Not to make things worse, but he seriously lacked any kind of clue about music (drummers are not MUSICIANS anyway, they are Pizza Guys who hang out with MUSICIANS)…and it showed in his slack ass drumming too especially when you are in a multi faceted band like this that will play everything from Jazz to Country to Speed Metal to Straight Up Rock ! I was already sick to death of hearing over and over about how great the new Cephalic Carnage album is, how Cryptopsy is "the best metal band ever", and how Origin rules, plus how we can't play fast enough (my our picking fingers are so fast just the wind created by them has been mistaken for a Level 4 Hurricane a time or two, so I don't know what he's talking about), and how our songs are too simple! It was beginning to feel like being lectured by a 40 something year old redneck about how the best heavy rock bands of all time where Foghat, Nazareth, and Uhriah Heap! See Les is such a fucking moron, as to suggest, that we drive an even bigger wedge between us and *immanent success* than we are already alienating plenty of listeners with our *outrageous, witty, and to sometimes offensive lyrics* by playing *indecipherable-grind-geek-math-metal* like one of those Relapse bands that comes out every other week and sells another shitty album to the same group of 3,000 clueless, Dungeon & Dragons playing, never getting and pussy mutherfuckers. Les, now that you are no longer with us, feel free to play in a band like that - as for us, we're keeping our 3 riff, 2 minute punk-metal anthems.

On top of all this…the fool had what was arguably the best up-and-coming drum gig in Atlanta - seeing as how in less than three weeks - WE WILL BE GOING ON THE HOWARD STERN SHOW! What a stupid time to be whining!

Oh yeah, we already got a new drummer…

If you think we are foolish enough to fire our drummer so close to a major gig like *The Stern Show* without having a replacement waiting in the wings you are wrong! We are professionals with plenty of experience in these sordid affairs. So with no further a due let me introduce to you (if you are into numerology, there is some heavy alignments going on here) - *OUR 11TH DUMMER, RECUITED IN THE 11TH MONTH, IN THE 11TH YEAR OF THE BAND*, hailing from some small hick town in New York - *Stu Pidasso*!! Stu Pidasso (get it, "Stupid Asshole…")
aka Scooch was formerly a member of other Atlanta bands such as Superjack, Bullhead Clap, and Witches Brew. Aside from any rumors we have heard from Mexican band-groupie chick types with a poor perception of English; that he had a "stoke in December from doing too much coke" (hey to be fair…he did have a streap throat in December because it was too cold)…we have a really good feeling about him - the band already sound heavier and the whining is down to an eight month low. Shit, who am I kidding, if we're lucky he will probably last about 11 days.

But maybe, Paul from www.consumptionjunction.com said it best when he said. "Hey, maybe you guys are the problem, man.." - who knows, fuck it…on to more important matters…

IT'S NEW YEARS EVE MAYHEM AGAIN!

The last few of these have been pretty off the hook, we've even had people drive from out of town to attend. After the show there will be a massive party at Dick's apartment (which is basically walking distance from the club). I might have video tape the night cause I barely remember the last three…that's why we are doing it for the fourth year running:

BIG NEW YEARS EVE SHOW

@ NINE LIVES SALOON

DECEMBER 31, 2002
MIDNIGHT UNTIL ?:?? AM 2003
4TH ANUAL NEW YEARS EVE MADNESS
AFTER PARTY WILL BE IN FULL EFFECT
@ THE DICK DELICIOUS MANSION

JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT:

We are still on for the Howard Stern Show for 7AM January, 15th 2003! I'm getting so nervous, *I MIGHT FINALLY GET MY CHANCE TO MEET BEATLEJUICE*!

More info about the Stern Show:
http://www.dickdelicious.com/howard_stern/index.html
http://www.dickdelicious.com/howard_stern/index_2.htm

You have got to hear this clip of what Stern had to say about Dick Delicious:
http://www.dickd.com/howard_stern/mp3/2_howard_stern.mp3

UPCOMING SHOWS:

We have Atlantic Pacific Entertainment booking for us now, so you will be seing us in a lot of cities that we've never played before very soon! Here are our confirmed shows as of today:

12/27/2002 Charleston, SC @ The Reef
12/28/2002 Columbia, SC @ Uncle Doctors
12/31/2002 NEW YEAR'S EVE SHOW in ATLANTA, GA @ 9 LIVES
1/10/2002 Orlando, FL @ TBA
1/11/2002 Tampa, FL @ The Brass Mug
1/15/2003 New York, NY @ the Howard Stern Show
1/16/2003 New York, NY @ THE CONTINENTAL DIVIDE

If you've read this far, please do not attempt to duplicate these grammar mistakes at home!

POWER TO THE PEOPLE,
DICK DELICIOUS

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