Interview

Here's a transcript of an interview with Dick Deliciou and Hugh G. Rection done by Howard Kolb of Undregound Metal Zine .

Dick and Hugh (Colombia, SC - 1996)

HK: How did you guys get together? Did you always play porno metal?

Dick: The band was formed by Hugh G. Rection after we hunted the endangered DoDo into extinction while eating Buffalo Style American Bald Eagle wings and wearing a freshly clubbed baby seal skin coats. After accomplishing that, we got into the Mexican Professional Wrestling circuit as a tag team. Then we each separately played in series of "serious" bands (mostly death metal) and started Dick D. later, as a joke. It wound uptaking off, so we stuck with it. That brings us up to today.

Hugh: In the Beginning, God created the Heavens and the stars, and withone swift movement of his finger across the horizon, the Earth was born.Through millions of years the Earth was in disarray. The Precambrian error brought about the first signs of life, followed by the Jurassic age and the rise of the dinosaur, Millions of Millenia pass, new species are born and experience life with great relish, and then as quickly as they came to existence, they pass into the great void known as extinction. Soon the first semblance of man (Zinzanthopus) arises in the Old Duvai gorge. Beijing man is bestowed the gift of fire from Prometheus the Titan, soon the Gods of Olympus rise punishing Prothemeus for his betrayal by driving a stake through his torso imbedding him into the Scythian cliffs with vultures ripping at his liver. Then, after eight years of Reaganomics, once again, God raised his lofty hand to the heavens to create, dare I say, his masterwork, four raging wanton stallions, hither to known to the people ofthese parts as the almighty, riveting, testosterone laden, showerknob masturbation fantasies of all women including dykes, lesbians, and clam lappers, the majestic Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles, as they came into their magnificent being.

HK: Is this CD your only release? Or are there some cool demos floating around that we need to add to our collections?

Dick: We have one 7-inch single out on the Babe's in Toyland's Spanish Fly label. We have several demos, but they are hard to find. The CD is from late 1995. We've got a ton of shit written that smokes that, and we want to get it out soon.

Hugh: We also have a few old 8-tracks that came out in the 70's. I fondly remember recording "Framton Comes Alive", back when I was Peter Frampton.

HK: What are the bands that you listen to and that have influenced you?

Dick: I like all sorts of shit...lately I've been on a Rev. Horton Heat kick. I like gangsta' rap alot, stuff like Eazy-E, NWA, Ice Cube. I only like it if it mentions smoking as many pigs, bitches and crackers as possible, as well as slappin' and pimpin' hoes. When I was growing up there was a period when I thought any song that didn't invoke the name of SATANat least 50 times was wimpy. I loved death metal, I still do. As for real influences it would be S.O.D., Old Suicidal, Fear, The Beastie Boys, Carnivore, Slayer, and alot of stuff you wouldn't expect like the Beatles and R.E.M. Frank Zappa is GOD!!

Hugh: I am heavily influenced by my next album and music I havenít written yet. I only listen to music by chicks that give me wood like Maria Carey, Fiona Apple,and Jon Bon Jovi.

HK: Do any of you have venereal warts on your man tools? And do you wearcondoms when abusing the neighborhood crack whores?

Dick: Yes, I have legions the size of basketballs on my gigantic tool thatthe best experts of medical science have been unable to diagnose. They ooze a mixture of leprosy, AIDS, and ebola, and I always make sure to cut them with razor blades to ensure they are open, before I defile some nubile 15 year old's virgin snatch!!!

Hugh: I have a Milwaukee Super Saws-all, a porter cable 7 1/4 circular saw,and various hammers, screwdrivers and wrenches all covered with venereal warts.

HK: Tell me what you think about the Mentors and if you like them, I reallythink you are all spawned by El Duce. [Thatís not Musollini - Ed]

Dick: That question has come up alot. Probably, because of the masks. The night me and Hugh came up with the concept, we were tripping on acid, and I found a ski mask and put it on. It made me feel invincible. It's an acid thing. Over the years, of course, I've heard some of their tunes, but I never really listened to a whole album until a few months ago. I heard the album with "Donkey Dick" on it, drummer #7 (out of 8) had it because he used to book the Mentors. I've hung out with El Duce a couple of times in the last couple months. He was singing with Gardy Loo from Tampa, and we doalot of shows with them, so we've met. He wants to play drums for us, but you have to support him, and I know he's a poor house guest...

Hugh: El Duce once graced my humble abode, The Honeycomb Hide Out, a palatial one bedroom in the ever-so-trendy, upscale Virginia Highlands ofAtlanta. He was accompanied by a delightful young lass. He placed himself in a supine position in my bathtub, while his lovely companion relieved herself from the burden of panties,squatted over his face, and showeredhim in golden bliss.

HK: Have you had any bites from labels, do you think that your subjectmatter hinders labels from talking to you?

Dick: We've done one single for the Spanish Fly, and we've heard stuffabout different labels here and there having an interest but nothing concrete. The bottom line is, whoever has the guts put out something with us, if they play their cards right, stands to make alot of money. We writehits! We don't write songs where you listen to a whole album, and all's youremember is riff after riff. We write sick, clever songs, that whether youwant to remember them or not, you will! "Big Stinky Pussies, what a treat",they just stick in your head.

Hugh: Yes, a record mogul from a large corporate conglomerate once tried tobite my nads!! I retaliated with swift and mind numbing violence. Then I ate four pounds of chili, inhaled a tank of nitrus, and poked some underagehoe. I think it was one of the Olsen twins. [Watch out for splinters. -Ed]

HK: Since you guys live in Atlanta did you try to get to play at theOlympic opening or closing ceremonies? I mean pornography is what Americais about isn't it?

Dick: We tried to bum rush the show, but we got kicked out by 5 billiontroops they had in town for that five ring circus. I did forget my green back pack with the pipe bomb in it an Cenential Park. I hope nobody got hurt.

Hugh: In 432 BC I competed in the Olympics in Sparta. I won many gold metals tossing my javelin into many female's moist and willing javelincaverns. This last Olympics, I just fucked a bunch of sluts.

HK: How is the scene in Atlanta? I have heard good things about it, butevery time I go down to visit my mom there are never any good heavy shows.There is this one bar I went to, it has 3 floors named Purgatory, Heaven, and Hell. It wasn't to bad, especially on Fetish night. I think it was called "The Masquerade".

Dick: A music scene in Atlanta? I wasn't aware of one. It sucks. It used tobe O.K., but just before the Olympics all the cool clubs mysteriously shut down and were replaced by fag bars. I think the city had alot to do with it, but do you think they would rather have the rest of the world see some kind of Sodom and Gohmorah, than a city with and underground music scene?

Hugh: Back in '92 when Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, and Soundgarden andvarious other local Atlanta bands started to break big, I just knew we'd be the next. Seeing that I invented the grunge sound, and knitted the first flannel shirt with my own two hands. I can't believe all the big labels just passed us over like that.

HK: Have you played with any larger bands? If so tell us who?

Dick: Yeah...the Beatles reunited after bringing John back from the grave to open for us, Led Zepplin, and The Who featuring Keith Moon. We've also opened for The Skatenigs several times, alot with Dupster Juice, the UK subs, we've played with Tesco and the Meatmen a few times, and we should be on a few Gwar shows on the upcoming tour. We played with the Mentors once, but Duce just stood up on stage, drunk as shit, puking, groaning, anddissing Metal Blade. I don't think they even played.

Hugh: The largest bands we've played with are Crowbar, Blues Traveler, andthe Fat Boys.

HK: What are the future plans for your band?

Dick: To get a record deal, tour the world non-stop, to become rich and famous, fuck all the supermodels, hang out with celebrities, own a rare blue lobster, and to be found dead in the swimming pool of my Hollywood mansion with a vodka bottle in my hand, at the peak of our success.

Hugh: To finally have the band earn enough money for my butt lift.

HK: Could you send me a cool bong? They don't sell them up here, you guysgot that cool place in Little Five Points.

Dick: Wow, it really is a small world!!! Our new drummer, Mike "Ox" Long, works at that store and he's the buyer for the store for all the "tobacco" products. I don't think it will be a problem!!!

HK: Oh yeah before I forget tell us about the "Real Stories of the Highway Patrol" and then tell us about Jerry Springer.

Dick: I got popped with some weed in South Carolina about three and a half years ago. It was kind of funny because while that worthless pig was searching our van, he found boxes of ski masks and our old demos that had pictures of us shooting cops, shooting up, and doing acid. I spit at the camera. Our drummer was on the Springer Show with El Duce and Gwar. Every time our name was mentioned they bleeped it out. Our old drummer was playing with another band called the Spo-its, and he did more to push them then he did us. Hence the reason, he's no longer with us.

Hugh: How come they don't show the ones where the cops get capped in their fat shit filled heads? As for Springer...I once saw an episode discussing the topic "Nazi Fuhrers Who Felch Themselves". It think I saw the cop from Real Stories on there.

HK:. Any last words or confessions?

Dick: I cried the first time I saw "Beaches".

Hugh: I didn't like beaches because of all the gratuitous bloodshed and senseless violence. Boy, that Bette Midler sure can rack up a body count...

!997 Dick Delicious / realat@mindspring.com