Prick Magizine Interview Uncensored

Here's the complete interveiw that was supposed to appear in PRICK MAGIZINE that was censored quite heavily. If you want my thoughts on it you can read them by clicking here and look under "Tattoo Talk". Otherwise, enjoy...

First thing I gotta ask, how have you kept going these last 8 or 9 years?
Your music is awful. I mean I can't play your stuff at church.

Dick: I'm only doing this till I can get my porn career started.
Hugh: My chili endorsement from Hormel.

How did you come up with your band name?

Dick: Your Mom was sucking my cock and she said my Dick was Tasty, then
I tea-bagged her and she said my balls were Delicious - I was inspired.

If you could live like a king, what would you do?

Dick: I'd arrange fights, be the manager for both boxers, turn black, spike
my hair up, make ass loads of money...I'd eventually go on a 2 week crack binge with my girlfriend and kidnap some bitch and burn her with a crack pipe.

Hugh: Get shot by James Earl Ray.

Busta: I'd probably take a shitload of uppers and downers and then fake my
death in the pay toilet at the Taj Mahal.

Do you really play your instruments, or are you just faking it?

Dick: Just like your girlfriend - we're faking it.
Busta: I really fake faking it.
Hugh: All of my bass lines are lip synched.

Is your music extreme?

Dick: It's been called extremely stupid, extremely annoying, extremely
offensive - so...yes.
Hugh: We used to be an extreme cover band - you should hear our version of
"Hole Hearted".

DDTT country & western, folk rock, or disco?

Dick: We're both kinds of music: Country and Western.
Hugh: Country Folk Disco Metal.

Did you take band in high school?

Dick: No I didn't take band, but I did take the tuba section of the marching band out
with an AK-47 when walked into school in a trenchcoat because some other kids were making fun of me because I wore Keds. I were Nike now.

Busta:No, but I did take all the band instruments to Big Willie's pawn shop
in Tiajuana to finance my then budding crack/whore house.

Hugh: No, I took drugs in high school.

Can you name all the girls from the Facts of Life?

Dick: Slut 1, slut 2, slut 3, slut 4...
Busta: yeah, Fat bitch, rich bitch, cycle bitch, old bitch, and my mom,
Tutti.
Hugh: No, but I'd fuck them for some crack.

If I told you I was from Teen Beat, would you pummel me?

Dick: No, I'd ask you to hook me up with a date with Britney Spears so I
could hose her down with about a quart of hot man sauce.
Busta: No, We need all the 15 year old sluts to expose themselves to us. Oh
wait I thought you said Barely Legal. Teen Beat?! C'mere!!
Hugh: Could you renew my subscription.

Who was your worst drummer and what is fucked up about your current drummer?

Dick: Had to be Chaz Chizler - not because of his drumming, it was his hair.
The thing that pisses me off about our new drummer is that he's black. I
hate black people.
Hugh: All of them. Drummers are gay.

How did you and your mom meet?

Dick: Rehab.
Busta: At a donkey show.
Hugh: I fell out of her pussy.

Do you like to fart, and do you like it better when they smell?

Dick: Yes - if you don't fart you will spontaneously combust. Burping is also helpful.

Busta: No, I've never farted before in my life. I'm a walking time bomb. I
do like the smell of farts from young sluts pumped full of chili.

Hugh: I fart constantly. I hate it when I stop farting - it sucks. I fart to
make the world smell better.

Have you ever died before?

Dick: Only in previous lives.
Busta: I'm dead now.
Hugh: I died of chronic good lookingness.

When on the road, what do the other members do that pisses you off?

Dick: Busta Hymen pisses me off because he's blacker than me. See I'm half
black and he's 100% black, plus one third of the band - if you add that up
it makes Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles half black. We're constantly
getting profiled on tour. I'll have to say Hugh's noxious butt fumes are
running a close second. They make a trip to the gas chambers in Auctchvis
see mild in comparison.

Busta: Hugh's always snorting my viagra and Dick constantly leaves molested
sluts in the van.

Hugh: Breathe.

What is your favorite saying?

Dick: "Not guilty..."
Busta: "zzzzzzzzzz...........huh?"
Hugh: "I'm coming...what did you say your name was bitch?

Can you beat up the Backstreet Boys?

Dick: We already have a pay-per-view match in the works.

Hugh: Those guys are brutal. They would kick everyone's ass.

You used to be in the studio at WREK (91.1 FM Atlanta) a lot. What kind of
nights did that lead to? How did you get away with asking for drugs and
shit on the radio?

Dick: Well one night I beat up one of the DJ's cause he punched my girlfriend
at an Obituary concert and another friend of mine was doing whip-its and fell off the roof. Well, it was easy to ask for drugs on the air - sneaking my crack dealer
past camus security was the hard part.

Hugh: Many dark nights - it got darker as the night progressed, with
patches of light at day break.

Why should my grandma buy any of your music?

Dick: Because I'll rape her if she doesn't.

Hugh: Because it appeals to old whores with stupid grandchildren that ask
stupid questions and are gay.

So exactly how long has DDTT existed? How did this musical reject act begin?

Dick: It got started when I was kicked out of Menudo for turning 17 and that
was back in 1431. Then I met Hugh at the million man march and we decided to
write a lot of song about killing white people. We originally called the
band "Eat Red Hot Death You Scumfucking Biscut Crackers', but then we
decided to tone it down.

Hugh: In the Beginning, God created the Heavens and the stars, and withone
swift movement of his finger across the horizon, the Earth was born.Through
millions of years the Earth was in disarray. The Precambrian error brought
about the first signs of life, followed by the Jurassic age and the rise of
the dinosaur, Millions of Millennia pass, new species are born and experience
life with great relish, and then as quickly as they came to existence, they
pass into the great void known as extinction. Soon the first semblance of
man (Zinzanthopus) arises in the Old Duvai gorge. Beijing man is bestowed
the gift of fire from Prometheus the Titan, soon the Gods of Olympus rise
punishing Prothemeus for his betrayal by driving a stake through his torso
imbedding him into the Scythian cliffs with vultures ripping at his liver.
Then, after eight years of Reaganomics, once again, God raised his lofty
hand to the heavens to create, dare I say, his masterwork, four raging
wanton stallions, hither to known to the people of these parts as the
almighty, riveting, testosterone laden, showerknob masturbation fantasies of
all women including dykes, lesbians, and clam lappers, the majestic Dick
Delicious and the Tasty Testicles, as they came into their magnificent
being.

If I got my sister to put out for the band, could I have a night with your
moms?

Dick: Sure, if you want to dig my mom up and fuck her skeleton.
Hugh: Only if she is 8.

Who have you guys played with (sexually and musically) that you would want
to do a sloppy seconds show or tour with?

Dick: Either the Spice Girls, Nashville Pussy or Anal Cunt. I'd fuck Jessica
Simpson again if I had to.
Hugh: 98 Degrees or nSync.

Who have you played with who were total assholes?

Dick: The other guys in my band.
Hugh: Dick and Busta.

You guys have helped Jerry Springer get to where he is today. How did all of
that come about?

Dick: You mean making his ratings drop? It came about because they went
around asking who the most pimped out muther fucker was ever - there's a
simple answer to that - ME BEEAATTCHH!

Do you have any tips for any aspiring Springer co-stars?

Dick: Grow a mullet.

When is your next television appearance?

Dick: Probably the next time they film cops in Atlanta.
Hugh: When porn goes prime-time.

Who are your musical influences? Who are musical flatulence's?

Dick: I was really into The Hansons's early death metal albums.
Hugh: Any band that sings about Satan.

What is your favorite song?

Dick: "I Gave NAMBLA a Picture of Your Kid" by Anal Cunt.
Hugh: "For Whom the Taco Bell Tolls"

What happened to you when you were a child, to make you as fucked up as you
are today?

Dick: I inhaled too many solvents.
Hugh: My 20 LB dick caused me back problems.

What is your favorite drug, movie, and hobby?

Dick: LSD, "Girls Who Suck Cock and Eat Cum Vol.666", and knitting.
Hugh: Doxidan, movies about being constipated, and incontinence.

What is your definition of good music?

Hugh: All the songs I write. I'm only infuence by myself, mostly my early
stuff.

Do you want Hit List to spread any rumors about you?

Dick: It's true - I am hung like a Brontosaurus.
Hugh: I murdered everyone at Hit List for spreading rumors about me.

Are the Spice Girls still alive?

Dick: Yes, they are sucking my dick right now, after that - I will have them snake out my toilet.
Hugh: Even if they aren't I'll still fuck them.

How many drummers have you gone through? And what were some of their names?

Dick: Over 10, recently we had to fire Artimus Pile because he wasn't molesting enough children - it was hurting our image.
Hugh: What do you mean - sexually or musically?

Have you ever written a song about somebody you know, dogging them out, and
then having them realize the song was about them?

Hugh: I wrote a song called "Joey Casey is a Cock Gobbling Cum Sucking
Faggot but I'm Not Sure If He Know It's About Him or Not".

I know you guys go through chicks like Sherman through Georgia, but what is
the most number of girls you've had in a week? A night? An hour? Naked in
the same room?

Dick: I fucked like 10 chicks in one night - it would have been more, but the roofies were starting to wear off.

Do you have any advice for dealing with cops?

Dick: Here's a little known Martha Stewart tip - shoot them in the face that
way they look better at the funeral.

Hugh: Be polite, pay attention to what they say, complement them on their
sporty uniform, and chop their ugly heads off with a rusty axe.

What will the future bring to DDTT fans?

Dick: Prison terms.
Hugh: Venereal disease.

What do your parents think about DDTT?

Dick: My Mom is our producer - kind of like Destiny's Child.

Hugh: Yes.

When will you give up the dream of arena rock stardom?

Dick: In about 5 minutes.

Hugh: When I realize my dream of blowing up the world with my own
flatulence.

Final swearwords?

Dick: Look for our new CD coming out soon and for everyone who's looking for copies of the first two they will all be available soon - they make excellent coasters for your drinks.

Hugh: Poo Poo

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